One could ask, "How did she ever manage to make it to adulthood?" Things just managed to always happen to me while I was desperately trying to grow up. Like the time we went to the rented pasture where we kept our pony "Traveler." You see, we had to walk through the Singleton's orange grove to get to the pasture. And the Singleton's had chickens! Mean chickens!! I don't like chickens. Well at least live chickens. Anyway, my father sent me back to the car to fetch something and I had to walk through the orange grove all by myself. Alone. Alone with the chickens. The mean chickens.
One might romanticize about walking through a Florida orange grove, trees all abloom with those delicate little pungent white flowers that permeate the air with that unforgettable fragrance of orange blossoms. But...those same delicate little flowers attract bees. A lot of bees. I don't like bees and bees don't like me. Bees and chickens, chickens and bees.
I am the middle child of our family. I was a very frail sickly child, a runt. I literally had to hold on to the Stop sign at the end of our street while waiting for the school bus, or I'd blow away with every passing truck! Really! I'm talking gusts of wind so strong that it would lift me off the ground and blow my dress up over my backside exposing my panties to the other kids from our street! I guess that's why my mom dressed me in such heavy coats. Added weight.
Anyway, blossoms attract bees, and bees don't like me....the mean chickens don't like me, and there I was, trying to swat at bees, while hiding my face to keep from being stung as I'm being chased blindly though the orange grove by chickens. Mean chickens! I looked and sounded like a deranged child. When I finally got to the car I crawled in the backseat, laid down and cried. And that's where my family found me. Asleep....or maybe I was in anaphylactic shock??
Fast forward. Present day. Beautiful day. Everything abloom. And I am going to mow the front yard!.... Sun screen on? Check!... Sun hat on? Check!... Appropriate mowing shoes on? Check! I am mowing, look at me I am woman and I am mowing the yard people!!! I give the occasional wave to a neighbor. While skillfully maneuvering my mower, I duck under the Crape Myrtle tree in our yard to mow around the trunk. Did I mention that our Crape Myrtle tree is loaded with little white flowers?....And that those same little white flowers attract bees? A lot of bees?? And that I don't like bees and bees don't like me???
So here I am in front of God and my neighbors, arms flailing, head shaking, arms batting at air...I'm running, I'm screaming like a small siren on a fire engine, and I'm dodging, and bobbing and weaving while doing so. I think I might have done the Irish jig twice and I am positive my neighbors think I am a deranged woman.
Well at least they didn't get to see my panties this time! ~Ames